07 TAN UPDATE 09.16.2022 - Boundaries

— Rachel Richter —

Hi ! 👋

As promised, this week I’m excited to share a fundamental principle of alignment that changed my life, allowing me to create greater alignment with myself and my circle, personally and professionally.Let's talk about...

What boundaries are, how they go hand in hand with compassion & alignment, and how to create and maintain them in a way that nourishes connection with yourself & others

If you want to create greater alignment in your life, personally and professionally, it can’t happen without setting & maintaining boundaries. 

Setting & maintaining boundaries supports connection with other people.What would happen if you were more intentional about putting your oxygen mask on first — giving yourself enough bandwidth before engaging — how much energy and availability would you have to lead with compassion?

And when you set these boundaries, it's vital to communicate them. It’s not up to others to guess at where your boundaries are, . We each set and maintain our own boundaries, while treating yourself and others with dignity and respect in the process.Don’t make someone else guess your boundaries — this won’t work well when you do. To my knowledge, humans have not developed sufficient mind reading skills for this nor we don’t have brain chips for it…yet. 🤓Instead, when people guess wrong regarding your boundaries, this can leave you potentially frustrated and them potentially ashamed for not figuring them out. Whenever possible, let's be clearer upfront. How do you know where your boundaries are?

Asking these three simple questions helps clarify where your boundaries are and if someone/something crosses them:1. Is this aligned with me? (Does this accurately reflect my priorities and intentions?)2. Is this safe for those around me?3. is this safe for the planet?

If it not aligned with you, don't do it, this is your indication to where your boundaries are. If it isn't safe, don’t do it. If the answer is a resounding yes to the three questions, then do it if and when you want to — and if there's still fear there, by all means, be afraid and do it anyway. 😘 Safe means not harmful. It is okay is someone is frustrated, annoyed, or upset by you maintaining your boundaries while treating them with dignity and respect in the process. As long as whatever you choose is not actually harming them, it is okay. This is what it means to put your oxygen mark on first. And it is never your job to manage the fallout of their emotions — just like it is never anyone else’s job to manage your emotions. How to understand when your boundaries have been crossed (intentionally or not) While I love to revel in joy, I no longer label specific emotions as good or bad, they are each a guidepost. Anger can be a guidepost for boundaries. Often when we feel angry, it is because our boundaries have been crossed and we haven’t yet restored them.Here’s an example of being clear about boundaries with someone else while also maintaining connection with them and treating them with dignity and respect.Share your intention first. “My intention is XX, because of this I need some time to do YY.””Tell them when you would be able to engage. “I welcome connecting with you after ZZ time.”What if someone comes to you with sharing their “greatest hits” of problems or dumping their frustration onto you, especially in a professional setting?First, take a breath. Once you are fully present, coming from a place of curiosity, you can ask them, “What is you intention with sharing this?”Only ask this question when you're able to come from a place of curiosity because intent is also shared through vocal tone. If this question were delivered with a tone that is not one of curiosity, it could easily come across as judgmental or accusatory.

After asking the question above, see what the other person says. If they say some version of "sharing just to share problems" or dumping frustration, you can respond by acknowledging their intention and maintaining your boundaries: “I understand that you are looking to share that. I do not have the bandwidth for that right now / It is outside of my current focus. I welcome connecting with you on (insert topic you want to engage on).”

By doing this, are you setting and maintaining good boundaries for yourself while also modeling them for everyone around you -- giving yourself more energy and availability to lead with compassion and create greater alignment with yourself, personally and professionally. 🚀

Found value from reading this? Who in your circle could benefit from having the opportunity to read this too?Be a source for good — share it with intention. It is how ideas that create positive impact can spread the most.Best,RachelP.S. I’d genuinely love to know your thoughts, aha moments, & takeaways!Reply to engage 👋