18 TAN UPDATE 12.02.2022 Impossible to leave drama at the door

— Rachel Richter —

Hi ! 👋We’ve all heard the saying “leave the drama at the door 🎭”. And while many of us try our best to do this, leaving drama at the door becomes impossible when the drama is coming from a subconscious place. If you don’t see it, you’ll keep bringing it. That’s why even when people try not to, bringing in the drama can still happen — in the office, in the party, in the boardroom, in the gym, the list goes on. 🎙 A while back, one of my mentors shared with me, “an outsized reaction is almost never about the thing in front of you”.Even when you think it is, it isn’t (short of something that puts your physical safety at risk in the moment). You aren’t screaming at someone for missing an important message or making an honest mistake or even being late. And the bigger the thing that you’re focusing on, the easier it is to believe your big reaction is simply about the thing in front of you.

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Why is this? The bigger the thing is, the more we tend to unwittingly externalize our safety, worth, or respect to it rather than owning those things ourselves. There were times I could’ve bet a million dollars that my big reaction really was about the thing in front of me, and it never was. Even when that thing was the fate of my business, my relationships, or my health. The big reaction was always related to something bigger on a deeper level. Until I started to inquire about how and where my actions, thoughts, and feelings were coming from, I was unaware. I was bringing in the drama subconsciously.

I was also unaware in those moments that I wasn’t the drama, and neither was the other person.If you and someone else both have good intentions, I invite you to recognize that you both did the best you knew how at that moment.So how can you stop bringing something unsupportive or even destructive to the office or the party when you aren’t aware you’re carrying it in? By bringing conscious awareness to the subconscious drama Here’s how…Engage with yourself and others in creating greater alignment: bringing compassionate curiosity to your intentions, priorities, and actions so that they are more consistently connected, fostering a positive impact on yourself, your circle, and your world.What this looks like:🍃 Take a deep breath 👋 Invite yourself to be deeply honest with yourself.🤲 Put a hand over your heart or core (because your body isn’t an Uber for your brain, you’ll benefit even more from engaging your body in this process).👀 With compassionate curiosity... Ask yourself questions regarding your own alignment:

🔹 “What is my intention with acting this way?”

🔹 “What is my intention with saying what I said?”

🔹 “How did I really act when I wanted others to understand where I was coming from — did I dump my frustration or pain instead?”

🔹 “Did my actions at that moment accurately reflect my intentions?”

🔹 “What would I like to stop doing so that my actions better reflect my priorities?”

🔹 “I did the best I knew how — what can I do going forward so that my actions better reflect my intentions?”

When you engage yourself in compassionate curiosity regarding your own alignment, there’s implicit recognition of your own humanity. The recognition of your own humanity leads to recognizing the humanity of others. When we fail to recognize this humanity we judge, shame, and blame ourselves and others. In other words, we spread disconnection— the driving force of negative outcomes in our lives, our workplaces, and our society. This is why the practice of alignment is so important.🔨 Now you’re more equipped to opt out of spreading disconnection by being more aware of your own alignment and practice creating greater alignment, which entirely benefits you first and foremost. ✨ Going forward you can iterate on deepening the connection between your actions, priorities, and intentions — compassionate curiosity is always the first step. 🫶

🧐 Found value from reading this? Who in your circle could benefit from having the opportunity to read this too?Be a catalyst for better connection — share this with intention. After all, this is exactly why I am sharing it with you, ! ✨May you have a wonderful weekend,Rachel